February 25, 2020
Note to Self
There is no good.
The good will never make you happy.
All there is is today & the happiness you feel in it.
There is no success or failure.
You are the only one who can make failure feel like failure.
You beat yourself up but no one else cares,
Have fun with it.
Have adventures
Goof off.
Make what matters to you.
Let yourself be happy.
There is no rush.
You have your whole life ahead of you.
I don’t need money to make me happy.
I don’t need things to make me happy.
I don’t need a house or a big apartment to make me happy.
All I need is some good music, something to work on, good people to talk to,
& myself.
There is no good.
The good will never make you happy.
All there is is today & the happiness you feel in it.
There is no success or failure.
You are the only one who can make failure feel like failure.
You beat yourself up but no one else cares,
Have fun with it.
Have adventures
Goof off.
Make what matters to you.
Let yourself be happy.
There is no rush.
You have your whole life ahead of you.
I don’t need money to make me happy.
I don’t need things to make me happy.
I don’t need a house or a big apartment to make me happy.
All I need is some good music, something to work on, good people to talk to,
& myself.
Pinocchio Pt. 1
Pinocchio wants to change his body.
“I want to be a REAL boy” he cries.
“More than anything else in the WORLD, believe me”
Pinocchio so do I.
My body is wooden and awkward and wrong.
I have a ribcage fashioned from tongue depressors.
And my chest has been pressed for too long.
I’ve got strings pulling me, holding me back.
Holding me down.
Choking me out.
My strings they are pulling me into the mirror and filling my toy brain with doubt.
Yes I know what it’s like to feel fake.
To not really feel like I’m me.
Put this all back on the shelf.
Plastic imitation of who I should be.
And yes my nose grows every time that I lie.
My nose grows every time that I dare to say pride.
My nose grows when I say I’m proud to be me.
I’ve made peace with this piece of my identity.
I want to be a REAL boy.
Pinocchio Pt.2
I think this model was fashioned improperly.Property.
Not the way that I ought to be, bottly.
Bad thoughts always got to me.
Don’t want to turn out the way that you thought I’d be.
Not what you want to see.
I want to be a real boy.
What on earth does that mean?
I guess for me, to look how I feel.
To smooth out my rough edges and seams.
To touch my own skin without splinters.
To afford surgery to cut off the strings.
I want to be a fairy tale too.
No longer the puppet, but maybe the master.
I guess what I truly would wish for is
A happily ever after.
Pinocchio wants to change his body.
“I want to be a REAL boy” he cries.
“More than anything else in the WORLD, believe me”
Pinocchio so do I.
My body is wooden and awkward and wrong.
I have a ribcage fashioned from tongue depressors.
And my chest has been pressed for too long.
I’ve got strings pulling me, holding me back.
Holding me down.
Choking me out.
My strings they are pulling me into the mirror and filling my toy brain with doubt.
Yes I know what it’s like to feel fake.
To not really feel like I’m me.
Put this all back on the shelf.
Plastic imitation of who I should be.
And yes my nose grows every time that I lie.
My nose grows every time that I dare to say pride.
My nose grows when I say I’m proud to be me.
I’ve made peace with this piece of my identity.
I want to be a REAL boy.
Pinocchio Pt.2
I think this model was fashioned improperly.Property.
Not the way that I ought to be, bottly.
Bad thoughts always got to me.
Don’t want to turn out the way that you thought I’d be.
Not what you want to see.
I want to be a real boy.
What on earth does that mean?
I guess for me, to look how I feel.
To smooth out my rough edges and seams.
To touch my own skin without splinters.
To afford surgery to cut off the strings.
I want to be a fairy tale too.
No longer the puppet, but maybe the master.
I guess what I truly would wish for is
A happily ever after.
This is a World
This is a world where father’s disappear faster than the time of day.
A world where mothers break down their child's self-esteem like a wrecking ball against a stone wall.
A world where parents neglect something they created.
A world where boys are heartbreakers and girls are love players.
A world where teachers teach a more worthless skill than of importance.
A world where police laugh upon the most horrid events.
A word full of labels.
A world where people get to tell one’s self how to live.
A world where people get to judge you on who you love.
A world where mistakes exist from every being but your still of the lowest if you make one.
That’s this world.
This world is full of hate, fake happiness, and hidden peace.
This is a world where father’s disappear faster than the time of day.
A world where mothers break down their child's self-esteem like a wrecking ball against a stone wall.
A world where parents neglect something they created.
A world where boys are heartbreakers and girls are love players.
A world where teachers teach a more worthless skill than of importance.
A world where police laugh upon the most horrid events.
A word full of labels.
A world where people get to tell one’s self how to live.
A world where people get to judge you on who you love.
A world where mistakes exist from every being but your still of the lowest if you make one.
That’s this world.
This world is full of hate, fake happiness, and hidden peace.
New for the 2018-2019 School Year |
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Koya
Trapped
I’m trapped
In a dark space
With no air to breath.
Trapped
With no way
To escape.
My thoughts
Consume me
And I can’t be free.
Forever alone
Just with
My thoughts.
I feel like
I’ll be trapped
Forever.
Koya
Today Was The Absolute Worst Day Ever
Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don’t try to convince me that
There’s something good in every day
Because when you take a closer look
This world is a pretty evil place
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last
And it’s not true that
It’s all in the mind and the heart
Because
True happiness can be obtained
Only if one’s surroundings are good
It’s not true that good exists
I’m sure you can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
It’s all beyond my control
And you’ll never in a million years hear me say that
Today was a good day
Now read from bottom to top
Trapped
I’m trapped
In a dark space
With no air to breath.
Trapped
With no way
To escape.
My thoughts
Consume me
And I can’t be free.
Forever alone
Just with
My thoughts.
I feel like
I’ll be trapped
Forever.
Koya
Today Was The Absolute Worst Day Ever
Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don’t try to convince me that
There’s something good in every day
Because when you take a closer look
This world is a pretty evil place
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last
And it’s not true that
It’s all in the mind and the heart
Because
True happiness can be obtained
Only if one’s surroundings are good
It’s not true that good exists
I’m sure you can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
It’s all beyond my control
And you’ll never in a million years hear me say that
Today was a good day
Now read from bottom to top
Change
If you’re lying in bed wrapped up in
Sheets of miserable thoughts,
Go to sleep.
If thumbing through old messages
Only causes your heart to ache and long
For something unattainable,
Erase them.
If it hurts to keep everything you’re
Feeling bottled up inside,
Let it out.
Because sometimes we choose to believe
That things are only indistinguishable
Shades of gray when in reality,
life is more black and white than it seems
If you’re unhappy with the way you are living your life...
Change it.