February 6 2020
Diseased
‘Am I the only one I know,
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?'
It’s like constant, gigantic tidal waves
Of which each crash grows more violent.
As if the beach was a child of voodoo,
Each wave takes a toll on my soul.
It’s normal for the ocean to be persistently stirring,
Suspicion rises if there is ever a durrational period of nothingness.
This sets off alarms, all defenses need to be risen, be prepared for agony!
If seas secede and do not peep a whisper, it’s a sure sign a tsunami is coming.
The worst ones are when the grounds rumble
And ships knock over, sinking into a bout of darkness,
Not knowing if you’ll make it out alive..
I’ve been created with the tolerance of a god,
No drug created by man could ever temporarily fix or heal me.
It’s become normal at this point, not something that anyone should just “get used to” but that’s the way it is. Some of the signs are recognizable like non-forecasted rains or cold mid-summer slumps that signify one of the worst is soon the be present.
-Winds so strong you spin ‘round and fight to maintain composure.
Moral of it is that of which my beaches are ruined and will continue to be deteriorated every day and night.
It’s such a sad an infuriating truth. Why my beaches when I’ve spent ages building them up to demonstrate a well endowed sense of wealth and well being; high intelligence just for it to be lost and destroyed by this storm, taken as laziness and stupidity vice what it truly is deep down. What have I done to deserve this fault?
It’s like being locked up and chained inside a cage, wasting away to nothing, all you can do is breathlessly scream and cry; all while over time you’re forgetting why you’re even crying in the first place, forgetting the villager who has been taking residency on your island of life and being there for awhile now, forgetting how you got here, forgetting who you are.
It’s like the effects of my nightmare all over again, feuling the post traumatic stressors.
Back to the time I tripped the hardest I ever have before, tripped down a rabbit hole and saw so many foreign characters. Memory extinct.
The beaches erode away taking more and more of me with every crash.
It’s so exhausting, every bit takes a bigger toll, what happens when I have nothing left?
It’s to the point the palm tree’s leaves no longer sway in the wind.
They try but paralysis sweeps in the left west side.
Wind whirls growing dizzy spells.
Eternally trapped in a cage, I don’t know wether I’ll be fed, killed, or left to continuously suffer as memories fade until I forget why and then form a new life inside my head. Like a newborn being newly exposed to a world, little would I know I’ve already been in this world for seventeen years now. It’s hard to focus on the work given when a storm swirls around causing endless destruction.
Death surrounds us especially in the recent days. All who have dealt with similar beaches as mine but were not promised a definite solution. Mines temporary but even to get that temporary relief I’d be risking it all. I have people who have come to my island who I can’t abandon and those who I can’t bare to lose. I have adopted belligerence, i will use that until death or dementia do us part.
‘Am I the only one I know,
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?'
It’s like constant, gigantic tidal waves
Of which each crash grows more violent.
As if the beach was a child of voodoo,
Each wave takes a toll on my soul.
It’s normal for the ocean to be persistently stirring,
Suspicion rises if there is ever a durrational period of nothingness.
This sets off alarms, all defenses need to be risen, be prepared for agony!
If seas secede and do not peep a whisper, it’s a sure sign a tsunami is coming.
The worst ones are when the grounds rumble
And ships knock over, sinking into a bout of darkness,
Not knowing if you’ll make it out alive..
I’ve been created with the tolerance of a god,
No drug created by man could ever temporarily fix or heal me.
It’s become normal at this point, not something that anyone should just “get used to” but that’s the way it is. Some of the signs are recognizable like non-forecasted rains or cold mid-summer slumps that signify one of the worst is soon the be present.
-Winds so strong you spin ‘round and fight to maintain composure.
Moral of it is that of which my beaches are ruined and will continue to be deteriorated every day and night.
It’s such a sad an infuriating truth. Why my beaches when I’ve spent ages building them up to demonstrate a well endowed sense of wealth and well being; high intelligence just for it to be lost and destroyed by this storm, taken as laziness and stupidity vice what it truly is deep down. What have I done to deserve this fault?
It’s like being locked up and chained inside a cage, wasting away to nothing, all you can do is breathlessly scream and cry; all while over time you’re forgetting why you’re even crying in the first place, forgetting the villager who has been taking residency on your island of life and being there for awhile now, forgetting how you got here, forgetting who you are.
It’s like the effects of my nightmare all over again, feuling the post traumatic stressors.
Back to the time I tripped the hardest I ever have before, tripped down a rabbit hole and saw so many foreign characters. Memory extinct.
The beaches erode away taking more and more of me with every crash.
It’s so exhausting, every bit takes a bigger toll, what happens when I have nothing left?
It’s to the point the palm tree’s leaves no longer sway in the wind.
They try but paralysis sweeps in the left west side.
Wind whirls growing dizzy spells.
Eternally trapped in a cage, I don’t know wether I’ll be fed, killed, or left to continuously suffer as memories fade until I forget why and then form a new life inside my head. Like a newborn being newly exposed to a world, little would I know I’ve already been in this world for seventeen years now. It’s hard to focus on the work given when a storm swirls around causing endless destruction.
Death surrounds us especially in the recent days. All who have dealt with similar beaches as mine but were not promised a definite solution. Mines temporary but even to get that temporary relief I’d be risking it all. I have people who have come to my island who I can’t abandon and those who I can’t bare to lose. I have adopted belligerence, i will use that until death or dementia do us part.
December 15, 2019
December 2, 2019
Fallacious Truth and Corrupt Belief (speech/rant)
For you who helped him fallacies my demise,
fueled the delusions, you're just as at fault.
Inciting false thoughts of my truth,
-You'd think if truth were at play,
that'd be what you were seeking but instead,
the words of others is the one that sways the mind.
That's what's wrong with this world,
for I have a hard time getting people to stand with
me on my verbal testimony.
Truth is only truth for so long, eventually,
almost always so feasibly misconstrued.
Honesty is your best alibi but if proof is what
must be had then so be it.
I'm a bad liar, you should know.
Go ahead and paint me red anyway,
how redundant it is for such a thing to rupture
what could have been forever a perfect picture.
Competence and common sense has ceased
to ever exist with him.
still, ages later,
with this curse that's in his feckless head,
he can't stop seeing red.
For you who helped him fallacies my demise,
fueled the delusions, you're just as at fault.
Inciting false thoughts of my truth,
-You'd think if truth were at play,
that'd be what you were seeking but instead,
the words of others is the one that sways the mind.
That's what's wrong with this world,
for I have a hard time getting people to stand with
me on my verbal testimony.
Truth is only truth for so long, eventually,
almost always so feasibly misconstrued.
Honesty is your best alibi but if proof is what
must be had then so be it.
I'm a bad liar, you should know.
Go ahead and paint me red anyway,
how redundant it is for such a thing to rupture
what could have been forever a perfect picture.
Competence and common sense has ceased
to ever exist with him.
still, ages later,
with this curse that's in his feckless head,
he can't stop seeing red.
November 15 2019
September 20 2019
Premium (Spotify)
Although it's only been a few hours, I'm starting to miss his voice. Soothing at times, annoying at others, but overall I was always relieved to hear him. I memorized perfectly the words he used to tell me. "Do you want a break from the ads?" He'd say. Of course I do, "watch this short video to get thirty minutes of ad free music." I always complied, if I wasn't too distant from him. If I didn't respond for a while, he'd repeat his words to me, "yes, tap now to get thirty minutes of ad free music." There'd always coincidentally be a guitar playing in the background too.
I don't hear Sherry anymore, constantly complaining about her SheShed burning down, or him.
I'm free. No ads, unlimited skips, no sherry, no guitars in the background. Premium for only 99 cents. One day I'll hear them again, but until then, some deep house.
Although it's only been a few hours, I'm starting to miss his voice. Soothing at times, annoying at others, but overall I was always relieved to hear him. I memorized perfectly the words he used to tell me. "Do you want a break from the ads?" He'd say. Of course I do, "watch this short video to get thirty minutes of ad free music." I always complied, if I wasn't too distant from him. If I didn't respond for a while, he'd repeat his words to me, "yes, tap now to get thirty minutes of ad free music." There'd always coincidentally be a guitar playing in the background too.
I don't hear Sherry anymore, constantly complaining about her SheShed burning down, or him.
I'm free. No ads, unlimited skips, no sherry, no guitars in the background. Premium for only 99 cents. One day I'll hear them again, but until then, some deep house.
Hello
Hello?
Tis’ is be me you’re speaking?
You ‘ought to be mistaken.
Who are you?
Not blue.
The sparks you emit,
A break it commits.
Who are you again?
Sons of bargain,
My heart is sold.
Don’t ask to whom.
You interest me, y’know.
Why do your eyes choke,
As if some feeling awoke?
And you stare off,
“Hey look it’s a moth”
Distractions are hard to find.
Do you mind?
Hold my hand for me.
It hurts,
No,
It’s too heavy.
Take it on your journey.
See me be fine.
Fine is space.
I don’t like space.
Not much at all.
Your face shows the space.
I guess you have blue,
You see blue.
So do I...
-our eyes I’m on about.
Not sadness.
Oh far from sadness;
Just because you said it,
Hello...
Hello?
Tis’ is be me you’re speaking?
You ‘ought to be mistaken.
Who are you?
Not blue.
The sparks you emit,
A break it commits.
Who are you again?
Sons of bargain,
My heart is sold.
Don’t ask to whom.
You interest me, y’know.
Why do your eyes choke,
As if some feeling awoke?
And you stare off,
“Hey look it’s a moth”
Distractions are hard to find.
Do you mind?
Hold my hand for me.
It hurts,
No,
It’s too heavy.
Take it on your journey.
See me be fine.
Fine is space.
I don’t like space.
Not much at all.
Your face shows the space.
I guess you have blue,
You see blue.
So do I...
-our eyes I’m on about.
Not sadness.
Oh far from sadness;
Just because you said it,
Hello...